why I wake up every morning
I am Ana Maria, born in Romania during the 1980s, a time when the country was under communist rule. Despite the challenges of a modest upbringing, my parents provided my siblings and me with a safe home, education, and valuable life experiences.
Their vision of a good life, quite limited for me, revolved around basic needs, academic success, stable careers, and the comfort of security. This upbringing shaped my early years, but it also left me feeling boxed in a box I didn't fit with my dreams overshadowed by rigid expectations.
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By the age of 27, I had achieved significant milestones in education and career, holding two Bachelor's degrees and a Master's degree, and teaching children with autism and mental disabilities for five years. However, despite these accomplishments, I felt an overwhelming emptiness and dissatisfaction.
The turning point came with the tragic loss of my partner, which propelled me to seek profound change. I moved to Canada, starting anew as a live-in caregiver, where I began the journey of rediscovering my true essence.
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Through years of introspection, personal growth, and the transformative experience with psychedelics, I shed the layers of societal conditioning and reconnected with my childlike self, the part of me that never stopped dreaming and playing.
The journey out to the far land, Canada, and the journey in, using psychedelics; have been a way to reclaiming my true identity, embracing my multidimensional nature, and finding the courage to express my full potential.
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My Vision
I envision a world where people feel free to dream, create, and explore with childlike wonder.
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My Mission
My mission is to inspire and empower YOU to live according to your true essence. I aim to help you shed the conditioning that has programmed you, align your mind, body, and heart, and fully express yourself. You have the freedom to live as you desire, to show up authentically, and to create the life you envision.
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How I aim to accomplish this
I know that inspiration comes from:
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Leading by example: I strive to live in my true essence, and hopefully this is contagious for those around me
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Storytelling: I aim to share my story and listen and share other people's stories
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Invitations into the vision: Continuing to invite people into this vision
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Empowering you though:
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Offering tools: Providing practical tools, psychedelic and non-psychedelic, that helped me
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Practical steps: Guiding you through actionable steps to achieve your goals
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Roadmaps: Creating detailed plans to navigate your unique journey
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Principles: Sharing foundational principles for living a fulfilled life
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Meeting you where you are: Understanding your current situation and tailoring support accordingly.
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Deep listening & care: Offering empathetic and attentive listening to truly understand your needs and desires
My deepest belief is that
The purpose of healing is to rediscover the joy of play and creativity, to find freedom, and to live in awe of the miracle that life is.
It starts with you asking yourself:
"Why did life love me so much to birth me into this human experience?"
Things I've created
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I've been a GUEST
As a writer
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on Women On Psychedelics website
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YAWN, fighting stigma through fashion
On podcasts
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The Depth of Motherhood, coming soon
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As a retreat and event planner
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co-created 10+ ceremonies and 2 retreats with Entheogen Coach
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Microdosing workshop at Hemp Lucid
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and so many more, see here
MY MICRODOSING JOURNEY
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Learning about Microdosing Psychedelics
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Mid 2019, I started learning about microdosing. I stumbled upon the concept while researching the different ways in which people use psychedelics. Immediately it captured my attention with its innumerable reported benefits including better focus, tapping into your creativity, and boosting your liveliness. I felt it was just what I needed as I was transitioning into a new role at work, where creative work was balanced with analytical tasks. I had found it difficult to switch from one mode to the other, often finding myself unproductive and unfocused. Microdosing psychedelics sounded like a great solution. Unlike many, I wasn’t scared of psychedelics and I was eager to experience their insightful effects more often than just once every few months. So I set about my research, having questions like:
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How much should I take?
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When should I dose?
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How often should I dose?
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What type of psychedelics should I microdose with?
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What are the benefits of microdosing psychedelics?
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What are the long-term effects?
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Are there any side effects associated with microdosing?
The sheer amount of information I found on the internet was overwhelming and, at times, contradictory. After plowing through a multitude of articles, I was finally able to draw some conclusions, feeling that I had developed a good idea of what I was doing. My second challenge was to find a source for these “microdosing kits” that I kept hearing about on the internet. I had no idea what they should look like or how to get my hands on one. My strategy was to ask everyone I knew about this newfound curiosity of mine until I found someone who could help me source my microdoses. Soon enough, while sharing my desire and determination to find microdosing kits at a house party, a random person said they had a source, and I ordered my kit right away!
My First Time Microdosing
Arriving at the office at 9 AM, I decided it was the best time to take my microdose as I knew that I’d start enjoying the benefits half an hour later. As I sat at my desk to tackle my to-do list, I knew the time was right. I was excited, a little nervous, and also curious to see what microdosing would bring to my day.
Oh my, the unexpected! I started feeling a bit uneasy, light-headed, nauseous, and somewhat unfocused. I kept telling myself that it would go away, but as the day progressed, I developed a headache and felt myself getting tired intermittently, feeling both famished and thirsty. I was not productive, nor able to be fully present, and my mood was lower than average. As time went on, my emotions seemed to spiral out of control.
My rookie mistakes
As you know by now, my first microdosing experience was rather unpleasant, and for most people that would be enough of a reason to not try it again. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about all these amazing benefits that I had read about, and I knew that I was missing something.
After a lot more research and consulting with others who had microdosed before, I learned that I had inevitably made some rookie mistakes. In my failure, I learned many important lessons that I wish I’d known about before. One of the first things that I learned was that my microdose was not actually “micro” and that everyone has a different threshold for substances.
One of the first things I learned was that my microdose was too high and in fact, everyone has a different threshold for their microdose. Secondly, I realized that there should be more intentionality in a microodosing practice. You shouldn’t mindlessly take a microdose on your way to work. Psychedelics are powerful substances that should be approached with reverence and it’s important to remind yourself why are you taking them.
Another crucial realization was that microdosing couples well with meditative practice and grounding techniques. Namely, in that psychedelics are not numbing agents, and they put you in contact with the full spectrum of your emotion. They can bring to the surface emotions we are trying to escape from. Learning how to be in touch with yourself and how to ground yourself when emotions start to surface inwardly is essential.